Who Knows

In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I've been turning over in my mind ever since. He said to me that if my dreams didn’t scare me, they weren’t big enough. The second he spoke those words I had a bittersweet relationship with them. At first I thought of how true that may be, and in a way it is, I like my dreams to push my boundaries and take me from my comfort zone that I have become so, well, comfortable in.

When he said that, I looked at the future that seemed logical, that seemed safe. Get a nursing degree and get a job as a nurse. Nurses are needed, people won’t stop getting hurt or sick. My mother had done the same thing, later in life when I was old enough to understand that she was going to college and that as long as I study I will be okay. But Then I realized that dream didn’t scare me at all, it didn’t give me nervous butterflies, it didn’t make me wonder what the future has to hold. But it made me feel safe. Isn’t that what the future is supposed to feel like? Safe?

But then I began to think, will being a nurse really fulfill my need for a passionate and colorful life? One with new people all of the time, one where I get to see things you only read about. Would I live my life and soon be forgotten by those other than my family? I think I would. I want to be remembered. I want to make people feel and think, I want to inspire and induce hope in people’s lives because God knows I could have used some.

Then I had a teacher say to me do what I want and screw what other people say, make yourself happy, no one is living your life except you so make it good. I can never repay that teacher for those words of wisdom. Right there in that classroom, my mind began a storm of thoughts and I realized that to live a life that will make me happy I had to see the world, I had to feel what the universe had to offer. I decided I’d take my camera along with me and I’d show people what they’re missing and inspire them to do more.

I skipped college and went on to capture the world with my camera and paint with the light of the sky and make a difference. I had gone through a hard time back in Texas where I grew up but now I was on my own. I was chasing the beauty and the laughter and the despair and love that this world has to offer. I was chasing it and I was engulfed with passion and with emotion and I realized that I made it, I made my life how I wanted it. I’ve seen the world and I’ve seen the people and I met someone wonderful. I have a life with them and I have a new life growing inside of me.Who knows where I’ll end up a few months from now Maybe I will go to Paris. Who knows? But I’ll sure as hell never go back to Texas again.